In news out today, Natasha Stott Despoja has made the decision to end her political career at the end of her current term of service. This will leave quite a hole in the Australian Democrats' ranks, really, because she is the only known face of the party to those who can't be bothered in keeping up with the muck down there in Canberra. So, in an effort to bring the Democrats back from this blow, I've compiled them a list of possible replacements:

- Former Republican Senator Mark Foley - Now, because the Democrats are, in electoral efforts (in a word), lagging, perhaps a man that appeals to the younger demographics would be well suited.
- Shoaib Akhtar - Why not? I mean, sure, he is a drug cheat, but that's ok, because all I'm hearing is that if he receives any sort of punishment, it would be a 'drag' on the popularity of cricket, because he is a 'character'. So why not draw on his appeal to the bogans and derelicts who would rather watch flashy, crap cricket against those who would rather watch good?
- Kate Ellis - The only thing that could make the Australian Democrats party appealing, even if it isn't for their policies.
- Satan - It doesn't really matter who the Democrats get into their folds they are never going to be a serious party. So why not bring in a guy who's liable to bring them the spotlight of publicity? Sure, he stands for death and destruction and all those 'horrible' things, and is the bane of humanity, but those policies don't come around that often, do they?
- John Howard - See: Satan.
- A rope with a yellow smiley face stuck on it - After all, the Democrats are only there as a game of tug-of-war for Labour and Liberal to give them the majority votes. And the yellow smiley face? Well it appeals to everyone!

Thomas.