Monday, November 27, 2006

Here is a little known fact: there was recently discovered another constant in the universe, which transcends the differences of theories which, after being studied, could significantly contribute to our understanding of the creation, development and future of the universe.

That constant is that I am always right.

The mathematical formula is as follows:

[Thomas's Opinion] +/- ([Evidence] x [Time]) = Correct

Now, some rather alarming things to result from this finding were as follows:

- This formula only works for me. I believe it is a combination of superior genes, the amount of Vanilla Coke ingested over the 'ego development' stage (nothing to do with Freud, purely the part of my life where my ego went from normal to abnormal), chewing pencils and being the greatest 18 Cup holder of all time. Also, because of the nature of the formula, only one person can possibly be correct all of the time, therefore it is me, because I believe I am right all the time, and because I am right all the time, that is the truth.
- The presence or lack of evidence is remarkable in it's scientific properties to prove my correctness. It acts as a balance of sorts, correcting the level of opinion, after being multiplied by time, to bring about absolute correctness. Thus, while evidence present will bring up the validity of my opinion, not having it will do the same job.
- In the case of evidence as well, if it ever comes about that my opinion appears to be proven wrong, it is, in fact, incorrect to assume that, as either the evidence I relied on was wrong (which, because it may very well not be written by me, there may be a distinct possibility of that) or you are really wrong, not right, therefore I am right, and not wrong.

Now this formula can be applied in a range of scenarios. An example is given below:

Person: I don't agree that you are correct all the time.
Thomas: It is my opinion that you are wrong. Because my opinion is always right, you are wrong, and because you are wrong, I am right, as the only other option to not being right all of the time is being right all of the time, and your opinion is wrong, and thus, I am right.

Endeavor to use this scientifically (in the sense that it is my opinion that it is right, and thus must be) proven formula in all cases, but be careful - there will be people who don't agree with me being right all the time, and thus, do not rely on my opinion just yet until it is accepted in the academic community (what I'm trying to say is don't say, in an essay or anything, "Thomas says this is right, thus it is true" because you will likely fail through jealousy of the maker, and not me being wrong).

Don't be fooled by the people who say the formula is wrong, it is only an act of jealousy that they aren't right as many times as me (that is, all of the time). I mean, how can I be wrong? I'm Thomas! I write on a frigging blog for Christ's sake! If I write on a blog, doesn't that prove my supremacy? Just take a look at any other blog that passes out judgment and opinion, and watch as they believe they are always right. Well, I don't believe I am always right, I know it. It's my blog, a blog which covers my opinion, and because it is always right, my blog is always right, and thus I am right because I write a blog that is always right. Get it?

Thomas.

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