Thursday, August 24, 2006

Ok ok ok. I sent the most ridiculous, the most absurd, the most outlandish reply back to Mr. Kian days ago. I stated, on this blog, that I in no way expect any form of reply, as arranging to drop of (nearly) three million dollars in train station lockers sounds like something ripped straight from the frames of a mobster movie. However, as I checked my Inbox today, I could be heard to yell out:


YES! I received a reply! And it's good this time. Damn good:

Dear Clayton,
I sent you an email as regards you sending some money to our Company Agent enabling them to have our Goods cleared in the UK. Please i need you to get back to me immedately as regards this because this has caused so many controversial issues in our Office in the UK.
I await your email.
Mr.Teo Kian

Oh the possibilities. After reading the email (and appropriately laughing each time I had caused "controversial issues"), I began to think. The ideas running through my head of a reply, of the response of all responses, to even make this person, this scammer, sit back and laugh. However, it didn't take long for me to arrive at a line of thought that not only amused me, but also would be "verifiable" in the news. Here follows:

Dear Mr. Kian,

My profound apologies. Perhaps you did not receive my last email. I did not wish to cause any sort of alarm or controversial issues at your U.K. offices.

I did, however, recruit the help of some contacts of mine, also located in the United Kingdom. they were a group of Arabic men, approximately eleven of them, and they were scheduled for flights to the United States, weeks ago, and, when they were to return, I had planned on leaving the money that is owed to you with them, and they would then pass it on to you. However, they are yet to arrive here, and I must only wonder what is keeping them. I have heard that customs ques at Heathrow Airport are significantly lengthy, however, they are late by a few weeks now. Perhaps I shall contact them soon.

With this problem, I have decided to personally fly over to your U.K. office and hand deliver the cash in person. Could you please forward me the address to said office, and I will get to work immediately. However, I may not be able to book a ticket before today is finished as I now have to go to Grand Central and pick up the money I left there for you.

I await your reply,
Clayton Northcutt.

Too much? I hope so, because I don't want to spread myself too thin with the scammers that find my email address. What does that mean? Well, you'll have to read my next post.

Clayton Northcutt.

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