Sunday, August 06, 2006

Well, my future career is well on it's way. In less than a 24-hour period Mr. Teo Ming Kian has returned my email, albeit with a different address (though I suspect I am corresponding with him on a personal basis now, so I feel even more secure), with further details. He also, probably purely for ease, typed his email entirely in bold:

Dear Clayton Northcutt,
We truely appreciate your swift response to our email.Your response brings to the fact that you are willing and wanting to help us in acquiring our dream of expansivity which we have stated in our previous email to you.We believe that with you,we would be able to attain our core purpose of reaching all in the United States and Canada this year.
Since we have been furnished with your information,we would give you a call to confirm the authentification of your information to enable us proceed to the next level or strata in working together.But before we do,we would want to bring to your notice about some certain norms of the company.This rules and regulation has kept us so well in business since our inception in the year 1970.
They are :
A commitment to delivering what you promise
A passion for change and innovative thinking
Respect for others
Care for the environment
Good teamwork, coupled with the ability to communicate well and build good relationships
An exceptional work ethic
We would want you to get back to us as soon as possible stating your view about this.Your swiftness would enable us send you your identification number or tag.This tag would enable you to act on behalf of the company and it would also give to you the opportunity to relate freely with other STAFF of the company and also with future customers and already existing onces.
Note that, as our receiving officer, you will receive 5% commission of whatever amount you receive on behalf of the company and the balance will be paid into an account we will avail to you.
Please, to facilitate the conclusion of this transaction if accepted, do send me promptly by email the following:
(1)Your full names,
(2)Contact address,
Thank you once again for your time and patience.We look forward to hearing from you.
Endeavour to get back to us as soon as possible if you know you would be able to meet up with those demands.
Wishing you a blissful day.
Mr Teo Ming Kian,
Matsushita Semiconductor Company

Quite clearly Mr. Teo Ming Kian is a far better email-writer than his pithy secretary as the format and spelling is adequate for understanding this time. Without further wait or pause I returned my detail (with thanks to myself for blogging my original ones) to Mr. Kian:

Dear Mr Teo Ming Kian,

Thank-you very much for your prompt reply. I do appologise for the tardiness of my initial response, however, now that you have stayed loyal to myself and my interest in your position, I feel much more assured that I will be a great employee for you. It is my dream also to expand your business in the future and to get your products over to my home country and those northerners the Canadians.

I would look forward to your call, however, I was hoping that our correspondence would remain through the emails as I would much rather deal with you in person Mr. Kian, as you seem to be a much more trustworthy person than any secretary or such that would be speaking to me over the phone.

I do intend to move to the next strata of employment with you, and I would like to tell you that I have never broken a promise in my life, I've had a passion for change and innovative thing, respect for everyone, immense care for the environment, I work well in teams and I build relationships on trust and care, I am an excellent communicator and have an exceptional work ethic. In my previous job I never missed a train that I have to itinerant and assess.

I hope my reply is within your allotted time limit and that my email is swift. I look forward to receiving my identification number as this would secure my trust within your company and to meet my fellow employees. Also, you 5% commission rate is very much appreciated as it will endeavour me to work harder, on your behalf, to gain more wealth for the both of us. Please find from here the details you required:

(1)Your full names, Clayton Northcutt
(2)Contact address, 10 Beguile St., Redfern, New York, 10110
(3)Phone/Fax. Home: 97226637, Mobile: 4663946537
Wishing you a blissful day too,
Clayton Northcutt.

Alas my initial 10% commission rate has been halved, already, but, as I suffer from dyscalculia I shouldn't be too unhappy, should I? I have, also, to secure this job, relocated the suburb of Redfern to New York. I am sure they will enjoy it. Further, to truly relate to this important individual, I have decided to adopt their courteous and kind 'close' on an email, "wishing you a blissful day", in the hopes that Mr. Kian does, in fact, consider me for the next strata of employment and share their dream of expansivity (or is that a dream of making up words?). I do hope I didn't 'lay it on' too much because I do want to keep this going. Perhaps I will send it to A.C.A. of Today Tonight. They are always in for this kind of story.

Clayton Northcutt.

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