Saturday, August 05, 2006

It looks as though I'm in for a career change. Here follows, from the desk of a one Mr. Teo Ming Kian, the reputable and respected Chairman of Matsushita Semiconductor[s], located in the classy and heated Singapore, grammatical and spelling mistakes unaltered:

From The Desk Of
Mr Teo Ming Kian Chairman,
Matsushita Semiconductor
250 North Bridge Road
#28-00 Raffles City Tower
Singapore 179101.
Date 1st/ August/ 2006
Dear Friend,
This email comes to you from the desk of Mr Teo Ming Kian chairmanMATSUSHITA SEMICONDUCTOR COMPANY LIMITED based in Singapore.Matsushita is a Global manufactural of Gray market goods,and this areitems manufactured abroad and imported into the US without the consent ofthe trademark holder. Examples of such goods are REFRIGERATORS of allkinds,Electronics and Home Appliances.
We import this products into the World Trade Market at large and due tothe high demands of our products , we have been able to acquire outletsall over Europe,Asia and America where our products can be bought. And asat today, there are 10 Matsushita companies in Singapore, including itsAsia-Pacific headquarters and eight manufacturing companies in varioussectors, ranging from refrigerator compressors to consumer electronics toadvanced displays and semiconductors.
Due to the high rate of sucess in the last fiscal year of trading in theUnited States,Canada and Europe. We have deceided to embark on majorexpansion plan in these Countries even as the global economy is showingoptimistic signs of pick-up.We intend doing this by wanting to open newoutlets where our products can be bought from.
This idea of more outlets is making us to contact you today to know if youwould be able to perform the following task for us which are listed below
1 Helping in the sales of our products to willing customers that arewanting to buy.
2 Receiving payments from customers by all means of payment method thatis available, and one that suits their convinent at that point in time.
We want to bring to your notice that this position does not require anyrelevant experience and it is best suited for all { graduates,professionals and non graduates}.
If you deem you are fit enough for this job,we would want you to supply orfurnish us with the following information via email
1 Your Full Name As It Would Appear On Your Letter Of Appointment
2 Your Contact Address
3 Telephone Number { Both Home And Mobile} / Fax
4 Your Present Occupation
5 Lastly,we would want to know if you have any form of dis-ability
Note that if we eventually deem you fit for this position,you would beplaced on a 10% commision for each sales and any amount you help receivefrom customers.Thank you so very much for having the patient and time to read thisemail.We look forward to hearing from you.
Wishing you a Blissful day,
Mr Teo Ming Kian,
Matsushita Semiconductor Company.

I had my suspicions that this, was in fact, a scam, however, after their company website was linked straight to the Singaporean E.D.B. Government website, I felt safe in my opinion that this was, actually, a legitimate job opportunity. Obviously I would love to be part of an illegal dealership associated with the breaking of international and national trademark and copyright laws. Thus, I returned their email (note I have taken liberties to make my email reach the standards of presentation that their initial email should have appeared with):


I am extremely interested in your offer for a position in the deal you are offering. As per your email, here are my details :

1 Your Full Name As It Would Appear On Your Letter Of Appointment: Clayton Northcutt
2 Your Contact Address: 10 Beguile St., Redfern, 2016
3 Telephone Number (Both Home And Mobile)/ Fax: Home: 97226637, Mobile: 4663946537
4 Your Present Occupation: Itinerant and Standards Assessor for CityRail Pty. Ltd.
5 Lastly, we would want to know if you have any form of dis-ability: None what-so-ever.

It should be noted that, in the interest of actually trying to get a reply from the reputable Mr Teo Ming Kian , I then changed my answer for number five to:

5 Lastly, we would want to know if you have any form of dis-ability: I do have dyscalculia, which means that I have some trouble understanding some things, however, I am keen to learn new things and, as a result, am very trusting off my teachers and employers because they know best.

As I said, I am extremely interested in the position as my current employment is quite a letdown. I am eager and willing to set up a shop with you to see your goods. Please get back to me soon.
Clayton Northcutt.
Now I readily understand that to the quick reader (and hopefully my future employer) a few points would have gone unnoticed:
- I live on Beguile St., beguile being a synonym for scam.
- My home phone number, 97226637, in fact spells out 9-SCAMMER
- My mobile number, 4663946537, reads HOODWINKER
- My current employment, Itinerant and Standards Assessor for CityRail Pty. Ltd., means, effectively, I am a traveler and critiquer of CityRail services.
- Dyscalculia, in no way used with intent of offense to actual suffers, is someone with learning disabilities in the field of mathematics. Hopefully this does not deter the employer that I may not be able to do simple math, no know how much 10% of anything is, nay, what 10% even is.
Do stay tuned loyal readers for any further correspondence with my (hopeful) future boss and the prospects of my job application.
Clayton Northcutt.


Thomas said...

It should be noted somewhere that the email that I was required to reply to was a Yahoo! address with a .hk location reference. No doubt a global and profitable company like that of Matsushita Semiconductor Company would use the free and capable services of Yahoo! AND register at the Hong Kong website for convenience.

Clayton Northcutt.

Anonymous said...

Great entry!